it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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