Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
