It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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