I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
