The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
