1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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