she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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