Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
