So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
