Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize