The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
