Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
