her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
