I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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