I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We have started to decorate penises.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Randomize
