I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
