I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
