What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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