So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
