I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
