i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
