I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
