there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
