Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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