Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I checked into jail on foursquare
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
