Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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