i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
