Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
