She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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