just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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