Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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