Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
