I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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