where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
