im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
