i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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