it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
