A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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