After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
