Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
