when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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