he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
