That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
