what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
