sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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