dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I would fuck him just for his dog
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
