I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
