Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
