Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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