this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
