hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
