who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
