You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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