So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
