Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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