i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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