32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
