you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
