you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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