I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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