Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
