I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
