see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
