Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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