I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
