Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
