My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that