Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.