I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body