I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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