PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
