Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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