Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
