We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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